On Gender Roles and Misperceptions

Growing up in the US, specifically in major East Coast cities, I have always been taught about the importance of gender equality, and the oppression and discrimination women have faced and continue to face to this day. Additionally, my generation fights against traditional gender roles, escaping from the past narrative that men are the ‘providers’ and women are the ‘caretakers.’ To me, gender equality and a woman’s ability to choose her path in life whether it be working, care-taking or any number of other things, seems like a given. However, in many parts of the world, Côte d’Ivoire included, the issue of gender equality and traditional gender roles still very much permeates every aspect of society. One of the most drastic differences that I have noticed about living in CI and Ivorian culture is the role that gender plays in how I am perceived and how people treat me and each other.

I will be honest that it has been difficult to adjust to living in a community where I am treated differently, sometimes disrespected and patronized, just because I am a woman. Moreover, as I am a very young-looking, small woman, people that I meet, specifically older men, immediately assume that I need help and an explanation to do even simple tasks, like carrying groceries or taking a taxi.

The teaching staff at my school is predominantly men, and that was something that was very uncomfortable for me at first, and still sometimes makes me feel very out of place. When I first arrived, there were some inappropriate comments made at my expense, something that I now know happens with almost every man I meet in and outside of school. Now, those comments are not as frequent, but I still feel very patronized, especially by some of the older, male staff. When I shared with some of my colleagues that I am a certified teacher in the US, they were shocked. And while I obviously am very young and have never been a full classroom teacher, they simply could not believe that I, as such a young woman, was certified to be a teacher in the same way that they are. And because of that, it is hard for me to present my ideas and be taken seriously because many of the teachers treat me more like a student or a child, then they do a colleague.

Especially coming from New York City, being able to do just about anything I want -- go places myself, wear whatever clothes I want -- it has been difficult to adjust to living somewhere that I simply cannot be as independent as I usually am. I have a very hard time even walking to the store myself because almost every man I pass by will call out to me, and often even approach me in a way that in the US, I would consider harassment. There have been a few instances where I have felt really uncomfortable, but for the most part, these interactions, while irritating, are very typical for CI. Men and women treat each other differently, especially in regards to dating, then we do in the US. Here, no does not mean no. There is very much a culture of ‘playing hard to get,’ so when I try to ignore or shut down advances, men think that means that they just have to try harder.

In CI, traditional gender roles are very much in play. While it is true that some women work in offices, teach, and take on other traditionally male-dominated roles, typically women are expected to stay at home, take care of children, cook, and clean. It is not uncommon for girls as young as 15 and 16 to have children and leave school to take care of their family. Cooking for example, is usually done only by women, to the extent that some men are not even allowed in the kitchen by their wives, and if they do go into the kitchen or help cook, it is very taboo.

While these gender roles seem very outdated for many people in the US, it is the norm here, and a lot of people, men and women included, like having these roles. I speak to a lot of women who love cooking and don’t want their husbands to cook, because that’s their job and they take pride in it.

However, when a whole unit in my students’ English textbooks focuses on traditions and the “duties” of women, including having children, cooking, cleaning, etc, I have trouble bringing myself to support these outdated stereotypes. As I am just a teaching assistant, and an outsider coming into the classroom, I can’t ask the teachers not to teach what the textbook states. However, when given the opportunity, I have tried to highlight that women are not limited to just “traditional” roles.

This issue is something I am still grappling with and will likely continue to observe and form different opinions about as my time in CI continues. While I don’t always agree with how young women are taught and what their expectations are from society, I also cannot judge because I come from a wildly different culture. I have had the privilege of growing up and being educated in communities where my voice is valued and where I have been taught that I can and should pursue whatever I desire, but that is not true everywhere. And just because gender roles and relationships look different here doesn’t mean it is necessarily better or worse. While it is tiring to have nearly every man I meet ask if he can marry me, or come to the US to have children with me, or take me dancing and then back to his house, I have also been fortunate enough to meet friends and colleagues who make sure I feel safe and comfortable while I am here.

*I want to emphasize that I am speaking generally, and only based on my observations and experiences. Additionally, gender roles and gender discrimination are obviously very different in major cities as opposed to smaller cities and villages*